Before the birth of our baby

So.. as some of you might know, I was planning all along a home birth for the baby growing in my womb.
My husband Nick and I hired wonderful midwives in San Diego. Nicol and Marli (our midwives) were doing all the prenatal check ups with us. First it was every month, after certain time, it became every 2weeks, and closer to the birth - every week.
We have decided to take Nicol's class - Birthing from within, which was wonderful as well. I would recommend it to anyone, who sees the birthing process as a transformation for the whole family involved.
When I was about 34weeks, my midwife discovered, that my baby is breech - which means heads up. Usually it's not such a huge concern until 31-32weeks of pregnancy. But the closer it gets to the actual birthing week, the less likely it is, that the baby would turn on its own and be ready for vaginal birth head down (which is the most favorable position).
Because my midwife Nicol's passion is spinning babies and is very interested in breech birth, she tried to turn the baby at 34weeks. It wasn't successful. The baby hardly moved anywhere.. well, it seemed like pretty stubborn baby.
We've decided, that I will do all the spinning babies exercises and also acupuncture and special chiropractor's technique that is called webster, to open up the space for baby and we would try to turn the baby again in a week.
The second attempt wasn't as painful as the first one, but we were unsuccessful again. Well, we've decided to give it a try one more time in couple days. That was the most painful and I was done.. The baby didn't turn and I realized, that the baby either has some reason, why is it staying (and wants to stay in this position), or it will turn on its own, but I won't force it anymore. It didn't feel right.

But at that point, what options we were looking at.. If the baby turns, we can still have our home birth... and if the baby doesn't turn, most likely it will be a c-section birth. Something, that I wanted to avoid.. Because for some reason, it didn't feel very wholesome birth to me. Boy how wrong was I... The baby was measuring pretty big already (they told me at 36weeks, that the baby measures around 8pounds), so they wouldn't recommend to even try natural vaginal breech birth at that point...

The closer to my due date, the more peaceful I felt about the reality, that most likely, the birth that I was dreaming about is not the one for me and my baby, but it will be a c-section birth. I started to do a research about Gentle Cesarean birth. I just wanted to make sure, that we will have the most peaceful, loving and sacred experience to welcome our baby into this world.
It took me and my husband a while to process it and digest it.. It's not easy, to let go of your ideas and your beliefs and trust the process of life and open yourself to completely new possibilities and new experiences.